The Post-Traumatic Growth Guidebook: Practical Mind-Body Tools to Heal Trauma, Foster Resilience and Awaken Your Potential by Arielle Schwartz

Author:Arielle Schwartz [Schwartz, Arielle]
Language: eng
Format: epub, pdf, mobi, azw3
Publisher: PESI Publishing & Media
Published: 2020-01-13T23:00:00+00:00

Today is an opportunity to ride the waves of change. All thoughts, feelings, and sensations are meant to come and go.

Overcoming Obstacles

Healing from trauma and loss asks that you find the strength to overcome obstacles. This obstacle might involve confronting painful memories from the past that you would rather avoid. Or obstacles might come in the form of current situations in your life where you feel harassed, bullied, or abused. You might feel as if you have no choice or as if there is no good choice. For example, you might want to end a relationship or leave a job where you are unhappy, but you fear the repercussions that this change would have on your life. Or you might long for deeper connections with others but fear that you’ll end up overextended or feeling trapped. In some cases, you might have a need to speak your truth but fear that doing so could make a bad situation worse. These are all examples of double binds. In these situations, the obstacles of life can feel insurmountable. They can leave you feeling disempowered, small, helpless, or powerless. You might want to give up when you cannot change your situation.

You might feel particularly vulnerable to these kinds of situations if you grew up with double binds in your childhood home. Double binds occur when there are chronic mixed messages from a parent, such as when a parent says, “I love you” but their body language communicates anger or withdrawal. A double bind can also occur when a parent tells you that they want you to express yourself, but then they get angry when you do. Or a parent tells you that they want you to be successful and independent, but then they become jealous or resentful when you are happy. Worse yet, in some cases, the double bind is the result of an abusive situation in which you had to act lovingly toward a parent who was also a source of threat. Moreover, if you bring attention to these painful mixed messages, then you are either dismissed or punished. As a result, it is common to begin to question your sense of reality. Furthermore, when you cannot express your distress, hurt, or anger toward another person, you might begin to blame yourself or believe that you are the problem. The result is that you turn anger inward, toward yourself.

It only takes one caring adult who is invested in understanding the inner experience of a child to facilitate resilience (Haggerty et al., 1996). If you never had this compassionate person in your childhood, it isn’t too late. At any point in our lives, we can thrive when we have someone who provides deep validation for the experiences that were once a source of confusion and self-doubt. Notice how you feel when someone dismisses your feelings, says that you are “making things up” or that you are “just imagining the worst.” In contrast, notice how you feel when you are with someone who listens

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